the breakup

She was waiting in the booth when I got there like so many times before. I even knew what she'd order. Only this wasn't just like every other time, one of us was holding back. We swapped our kid stories, kids whose lives were maybe more entwined than our own. We gave updates about our widowed moms. The fries 'extra crispy' came and I watched as the ketchup flowed onto the plate and the salt sprinkle melted into the puddle of red. I couldn't eat. Wasn't hungry. That had never stopped me before, but tonight I just wasn't interested in food. I wanted this meeting to end, had wanted it to end from the moment the date was made.

Here's why you're not hearing from me: and then I faltered, I struggled, I even pointed out how hard it was to get the words out of my mouth. No, you haven't offended me, per se. No, you haven't done or said anything that's made me mad, not really. You just don't enhance my life, but that's not as selfish as it might sound. Wait! That's not what I mean.

Then it happened. She quit listening. Just stopped. The eyes averted. The reach for the check and the purse. She was done. I asked if we couldn't dialogue. She said she wouldn't be calling any more. She had appreciated my friendship and support in the past and would be sad to not have that any more. She also didn't understand how she could 'fix' things if no one would tell her what was wrong. I asked if she could take a step back and look at her life from another perspective and see what advise she would give herself. I said I wasn't willing to laundry list the issues, that's not what adults do to each other. But she was gone, not physically, but gone.

We walked to our cars separately.